Archibald the Philanderer

Archibald currently hawks his wares in Providence and is known for his fine furnishings. For some reason, he likes to call his shop Franklin's Fine Furnishings.

Shop

Sells the following items:

Item	Price	Notes
Portrait of the King x1	350	An uncraftable wall decoration.
Roll of Wallpaper- King Louis x1	600	An uncraftable wallpaper.
Roll of Wallpaper- Venetian Night x1	750	An uncraftable wallpaper.
Roll of Wallpaper- Et in Arcadia x1	950	An uncraftable wallpaper.
Roll of Wallpaper- Palais Royale x1	1250	An uncraftable wallpaper.
Old Style Chair x1	550	A nice table for Gluttony, can be crafted.
Old Style Table x1	1125	A nice table for Gluttony, can be crafted.
Chain of the Most Illustrious Order of Good Cheer x1	10000	Uncraftable, and the only item in the game that can be worn around the neck. Has no practical function.

History

If Archibald lived by a code, it would be to never marry a woman who comes from money. The reasons abound, but the simple fact is that they are the hardest to impress. Elizabeth, his fifth wife, was just never satisfied. When Archibald took them to the finest place he knew for their anniversary (The Buxom Bovine, a gentleman's club in White Chapel), she seemed displeased. When he would come home late from another round of drinks with the boys, she'd be upset that he missed yet another insufferable birthday for one of their children. And when she caught him furthering his experience with the female body in order to better pleasure the woman he loved, well to put it plainly, she was miffed.

And wouldn't you know it, when her father caught wind of all Archibald's hard work, he sent hired men after him! The nerve of some people. Well, being a crafty man, Archibald knew when his services were no longer wanted and so he kissed his beautiful children goodbye, put in one more donation to The Buxom Bovine to stimulate the economy of Mother England, and made his way to the docks where his brother Jimmy put him on the first boat out of port in a barrel of apple cider.

The voyage was magnificent until the crew found the barrel empty with a quite happy Archibald within. After a few choice words, the Captain decided to put Archibald to work instead of throwing him overboard, which was, in Archibald's humble opinion, the only reasonable option.

The new world was much like the old, but with fewer street walkers and fewer taverns. But all the open space smelled of opportunity and it was enough to inspire Archibald to seek out his fortune in the gutters of the bustling town of Providence. In the chaos of the port town, he grew his inventory. Ancient, half rotting furniture lay stranded behind a newly finished building. Rolls of soiled carpet and papers lay cast aside near the slops of the local tannery. To the average man, this was garbage, unsuitable even to trade with savages. But Archibald saw greatness.

Using local fauna, he dyed an otherwise garish assembly of clothing bright and commanding colors, painting the copper buttons and trim with a lovely yellow that almost looked like gold. For a hat, he restructured the rotting remains of a draft harness and cinched it with a blood-stained rag. With the collected herbs and a borrowed cauldron belonging to a woman accused and executed for witchcraft, he began making more and more dyes and colors to provide a large selection to meet the tastes of the populace. Before long a corner of Boston's main square was overflowing with the tackiest designs imaginable, rolled up and priced for the avid consumer. Archibald, a forerunner in human psychology, realized that all people needed was to see a high price tag and they would consider the product a high end masterpiece. And he was right.

To this day, fools spend ample silver to alter their homes with his slopped together designs and garbage-picked furniture, all for the sake of aesthetics. Now he gets to sell his work, bring happiness to the masses, and look at the lovely Fifi all day long.